Every part of a wedding ceremony carries centuries of history. Some of it is lovely. Some of it is genuinely strange. All of it is optional.
You've probably been to a few weddings. You've watched someone walk down an aisle. You've heard vows, seen rings exchanged, maybe dodged a handful of confetti on the way out. It all feels familiar, almost automatic. But have you ever stopped to wonder why any of it happens?
In Part 1 of this series, I looked at where some of the broader wedding traditions come from. This time, I'm focusing on the ceremony itself, the rituals that happen between "please be seated" and "you may now kiss." Some of these customs are centuries old. Some are rooted in romance. And some, honestly, started out as property transactions.
Let's get into it.
Walking Down the Aisle (And Who "Gives" Whom)
The image is iconic: one partner walking down the aisle while the other waits at the front. But the positioning and the ritual of "giving away" both have origins that most couples would find uncomfortable today.
Traditionally, the bride stood on the left side of the aisle. The reason? So the groom's right hand, his sword hand, stayed free to fight off rival suitors. That's not a joke. In medieval Europe, disputes over marriages were occasionally settled with actual violence, and standing arrangements reflected that reality.
Then there's the "who gives this person" question. Today it feels ceremonial, a nod to family, a moment of emotion. But its roots are blunter than that. In earlier centuries, fathers quite literally gave their daughters away because marriage was a transfer of property. The bride moved from her father's household to her husband's, and the "giving away" formalised that handover.
Knowing this, plenty of couples now rethink the tradition entirely. Some walk down together. Some have both parents accompany them. Some walk alone. The point is, you get to decide what the walk means to you, not what it meant 500 years ago.
The Vows: From Property Law to Love Letters
Wedding vows feel deeply personal, but the phrases we associate with them have surprisingly unromantic origins.
"To have and to hold" sounds like a promise of devotion. It's actually borrowed from medieval property law. The phrase referred to land tenure, the right to possess and maintain property. When it entered the marriage ceremony, it carried the same transactional weight. You were essentially agreeing to a contract.
"With this ring I thee wed" dates back to the 11th century. It was part of a formulaic exchange that had more in common with a legal proceeding than a love story. The words weren't chosen for their poetry; they were chosen because they formalised an agreement before witnesses.
For centuries, vows followed a strict script dictated by the church. There wasn't much room for individuality. The words were the words, and everyone said the same ones.
That's changed, especially in recent decades. Personalised vows have become increasingly popular, and for good reason. Couples want to say something that actually reflects their relationship, not recite phrases from a time when marriage was closer to a business deal than a partnership.
I've been at ceremonies where the vows were funny, heartfelt, tear-inducing, and occasionally chaotic in the best way. What they all had in common was that they sounded like the people saying them. That's always more powerful than tradition for tradition's sake.
The Ring Exchange
Rings have been part of wedding ceremonies for thousands of years, but the symbolism has shifted over time. The ancient Egyptians are often credited with the idea that a ring's circle represents eternity, with no beginning and no end. They also believed that a vein ran directly from the fourth finger of the left hand to the heart. Anatomically, that's not accurate, but it's a lovely thought, and it's why we still use that finger today.
In Roman times, the ring was less about romance and more about ownership. A wife wearing a ring signalled that she was spoken for. It was a claim, not a gift.
The shift towards rings as a mutual exchange, both partners wearing one, is relatively recent. For much of history, only one partner wore a ring. The idea that both people in the marriage give and receive one reflects a more equal understanding of what marriage means.
Today, rings come in every material and style imaginable. Some couples skip them altogether and get tattoos instead. Others use family heirlooms. The tradition is flexible enough to mean whatever you want it to.
Something Old, New, Borrowed, Blue
This one gets brought up at almost every wedding I'm involved with. It's so embedded in wedding culture that most people treat it as an ancient rule. In reality, it comes from a Victorian rhyme, and the full version is: "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence in your shoe."
Each element carries a meaning:
- Old represents continuity with the past, a connection to family and history
- New symbolises hope and optimism for the future
- Borrowed is meant to be taken from someone in a happy marriage, so that their good fortune transfers to you
- Blue stands for purity, loyalty, and love
The sixpence? That was for financial prosperity. It's the one most people leave out, probably because finding a sixpence in 2026 requires a trip to an antiques dealer.
What I find interesting is how creative couples get with this. I've seen "something blue" covered by nail polish, hidden embroidery on a dress lining, a pair of socks, and once, a very subtle streak of blue hair. It doesn't have to be literal or obvious. It's a tradition that lends itself well to being made your own.
Confetti: Why We Throw Things at Newlyweds
Throwing things at newly married couples as they leave the ceremony is one of those traditions that, when you think about it, is a bit odd. But it has a long history, and the materials have changed considerably over the centuries.
The Romans threw wheat at newlyweds as a symbol of fertility and abundance. The idea was that showering the couple with grain would encourage a fruitful marriage. In Italy, the tradition evolved into throwing sugared almonds, known as confetti in Italian, which is where the English word comes from.
Rice became the go-to in many cultures, again symbolising fertility and prosperity. If you've ever been hit in the face by a fistful of rice, you'll know it's not the gentlest blessing.
Paper confetti is a much more recent invention, and it's the version most UK venues will actually allow. Even then, many venues now insist on biodegradable confetti only, for obvious reasons. Dried flower petals have become a popular alternative; they photograph beautifully and don't leave the grounds looking like a craft project gone wrong.
Some couples skip the throwing entirely and opt for bubbles, ribbon wands, or sparklers instead. There's no rule that says you have to be pelted with anything on your way out of the ceremony. But if you do go for confetti, the petal route is hard to beat.
The Music: How the Wedding March Became the Wedding March
Two pieces of music dominate wedding ceremonies, and both became popular for the same reason: a royal wedding.
"Here Comes the Bride" is actually the Bridal Chorus from Richard Wagner's opera Lohengrin, written in 1850. In the opera, it accompanies the heroine as she's led to the bridal chamber. The marriage in Lohengrin actually ends in disaster, which is an interesting choice for a ceremony soundtrack, but the tune is undeniably effective.
The other standard, Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" from A Midsummer Night's Dream, was written in 1842. It became the go-to recessional piece after Princess Victoria (Queen Victoria's eldest daughter) used it at her wedding in 1858. Once a royal endorses something, everyone follows.
Before these two pieces took hold, there wasn't really a standard "wedding song." Ceremonies used whatever music was available, often hymns or local folk tunes. The idea of specific entrance and exit music is barely 170 years old.
Today, the choices are wide open. I've heard couples walk in to everything from classical piano to acoustic guitar covers of pop songs to film scores. The traditional marches still have their place, and they're still moving when done well. But there's something powerful about choosing a piece of music that actually means something to you as a couple, rather than defaulting to what everyone expects.
Making the Ceremony Yours
Here's the thread that runs through all of these traditions: none of them are compulsory. Every single one started somewhere, for a reason that may or may not resonate with you. The aisle positioning, the vows, the rings, the confetti, the music. All of it is a choice.
The best ceremonies I've seen are the ones where couples have thought about which traditions matter to them and left the rest behind. Maybe you love the symbolism of rings but want to write your own vows. Maybe you want to walk down the aisle together rather than one of you waiting at the front. Maybe you want petal confetti and a film soundtrack instead of Wagner.
That's the beauty of a modern wedding. You get to keep the traditions that feel right and let go of the ones that don't. Knowing where these customs come from makes that decision easier, because you're choosing with full knowledge rather than just following a script.
In Part 3 of this series, I'll look at reception traditions: the first dance, the cake cutting, the bouquet toss, and a few more customs that are stranger than you might think.
If you're planning a ceremony and want someone who understands how all these elements fit together, from the music to the timing to the atmosphere, I'd love to hear about your plans. Let's have a chat.