Most ceremony customs began as practical or legal ones. 'Giving away' marked a daughter passing from her father's household to her husband's, 'to have and to hold' echoes the wording of medieval property deeds, and confetti began with Romans throwing wheat for a fertile marriage. None of it is compulsory, so keep the parts that mean something to the two of you.
Have you ever sat at a wedding, watching a bride walk in on her father's arm, and wondered why it's done that way at all? Most of what happens in a ceremony feels so familiar that nobody questions it, and yet almost every part of it started for a reason that had little to do with romance. Some of those reasons are rather sweet, and a few of them were, quite plainly, about property.
In Part 1 of this series I looked at where the wider wedding traditions come from. This post stays inside the ceremony, between "please be seated" and the first kiss, where the oldest customs are. Knowing where they started makes it much easier to decide which ones you want at your own.
Where Do Walking Down the Aisle and "Giving Away" Come From?
The explanation you'll hear most often for the bride standing on the left is that it kept the groom's right hand, his sword hand, free to fight off anyone who objected to the match. It's a good story, and it might even be true, but nobody has found much evidence for it, so I'd treat it as wedding folklore rather than history.
The giving away is better documented. It's also much less charming. For centuries a woman passed from her father's household to her husband's, and the father walking her up the aisle and handing her over was the visible part of that transfer. The question "who gives this woman?" was asked because, as far as the law was concerned, somebody did.
None of that history has to be what the walk down the aisle means at your wedding. Some couples walk in together, some are brought in by both parents or by a son, a daughter or a best friend, and some walk in alone because that feels right. Whatever you choose, tell your registrar or celebrant early, so the words they say match what's actually happening in front of them. There's more on the alternatives in crafting a wedding that's uniquely yours.
Where Do Traditional Wedding Vows Come From?
Vows feel like the most personal part of the day, which makes their history a little awkward. "To have and to hold" is usually traced to the wording of medieval property deeds, where it described the right to own and keep land. The old church vows read more like a contract signed in front of witnesses than a declaration of love. "With this ring I thee wed" goes back centuries too, and for most of that time everyone said exactly the same words, because the church set them and that was that.
What's changed is that you now get a say. In a civil ceremony in England and Wales you can add promises of your own to the words the law requires, as long as nothing in them is religious, and your registrar will want to see them beforehand. In a church or other religious ceremony, the minister or celebrant decides. Ask them early what you're allowed to add.
I've been at ceremonies where the vows were funny, others where half the room was in tears, and a few that went gloriously off-script, and the ones that worked best all sounded like the two people saying them. Nervous about speaking in front of everyone? Keep them short. Two or three sentences that are true will mean more to the people listening than a page of poetry read too fast.
Why Do Couples Exchange Wedding Rings?
The circle as a sign of something with no beginning and no end goes back at least to ancient Egypt. The Romans added the vena amoris, a vein that was supposed to run straight from the fourth finger of the left hand to the heart. There's no such vein. It's a lovely thought all the same, and it's the reason that finger still gets the ring.
For the Romans, a ring on a wife's hand was also a sign that she was spoken for, and for most of history only one partner wore one. Both of you giving and receiving a ring is a much more recent habit, and it says something rather nicer about what a marriage is meant to be.
These days almost anything goes. Plenty of couples wear family heirlooms, and a few skip rings altogether in favour of matching tattoos, which at least can't be left behind in a hotel room. The one practical point I'd make is to decide well before the day who is looking after the rings, and to make sure that person knows it.
Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, Something Blue
Something old, something new comes up at almost every wedding I'm involved with, and most people assume the rhyme is ancient. It's a Victorian rhyme, and the full version ends with a line nearly everyone forgets: "Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and a sixpence in your shoe."
Each part carries a meaning:
- Old is continuity with the past, and with your family
- New is hope for the future
- Borrowed should come from someone happily married, so their good fortune passes to you
- Blue stands for loyalty and love
The sixpence was for prosperity. It's the part most couples leave out, mainly because finding a sixpence in 2026 means a trip to an antiques dealer.
Something blue is where couples have the most fun. I've seen it done with nail varnish, with embroidery hidden inside a dress lining, with a pair of socks, and once with a very discreet streak of blue in someone's hair. It doesn't need to be obvious to anyone except you.
Why Do Guests Throw Confetti at Newlyweds?
Throwing things at two people who have just got married is a slightly strange thing to do when you stop and think about it, but it's been going on for a very long time. Roman guests threw wheat, as a wish for a fertile and plentiful marriage. In Italy that became sugared almonds, called confetti, which is where the English word comes from. Then rice took over for a long while, as anyone who has caught a handful of it in the face will remember.
Paper confetti is fairly recent. It's also the kind most UK venues will actually let you use, often only if it's biodegradable. Petals are the favourite now. They look beautiful in photos and they don't leave the grounds looking like a craft project gone wrong. Check your venue's rules before anyone buys a thing, because some venues allow no confetti at all, and if that's the case at yours, bubbles or ribbon wands give your photographer much the same moment.
How Did the Wedding March Become the Standard Ceremony Music?
The two pieces nearly everyone knows both owe their place to one royal wedding. "Here Comes the Bride" is the Bridal Chorus from Wagner's opera Lohengrin, first performed in 1850. In the opera it accompanies the newlyweds to their bedroom, and the marriage falls apart before the final curtain. An odd choice to walk in to, then, though it does the job beautifully. Mendelssohn's "Wedding March", written for A Midsummer Night's Dream in 1842, became the music for walking out. When Queen Victoria's eldest daughter, also called Victoria, married in 1858 and used both, fashionable weddings everywhere followed her lead.
Before that there was no standard entrance or exit music at all. People used hymns, or whatever the local musicians could play. The tradition is only about 170 years old.
Today you can walk in to almost anything. I've heard couples come in to classical piano, acoustic covers of pop songs and film scores, and the traditional marches still have real power when they're timed well. If you're having a civil ceremony, the ban on religious content in civil ceremonies covers the music too, so hymns and other religious pieces usually won't be allowed, and your registrar will want your list in advance. When I'm with you for the whole day, cueing the ceremony music is part of my job. Your song starts as the doors open and fades as you reach the front, and nobody fumbles for a phone.
Making the Ceremony Yours
Every one of these traditions started somewhere, for a reason that may or may not mean anything to you, and not one of them is compulsory. The best ceremonies I've seen are the ones where the couple thought about each part, kept what mattered to them and let the rest go, whether that meant rings but their own vows, walking in together, petals instead of rice, or a film score instead of Wagner.
If being looked at for half an hour makes you anxious, there are practical ways to keep the meaning without the spotlight, which I've written about in making your wedding comfortable.
In Part 3 of this series I move on to the reception: the first dance, the cake cutting, the bouquet toss and a few customs that started out stranger than you'd expect.
And if you're planning your ceremony now and would like someone to make sure the music, the timing and the moments in between all fit together, tell me about your plans. Let's have a chat.